My title give you a hint on what I've been up to. ;)) just got back from the program yesterday. Nearly around 1 a.m. Don't ask about tired. I really do! Hihi. But nevertheless, I still feel very grateful to be there. Ahh. Can't express how much fun, exciting moments I had there. ;D ;D ;D ;D it is enough to show I am happy? Hahaha. I need to write down every single feeling I had so that I won't forget about it later! Okay, enough with the tally tales. Let me brief about the whole program! Program : World Islamic Economic Forum 8th (WIEF 8) Venue : Persada and Pan Pasific Hotel in Johor Bahru Date : 4th - 6th December 2012 This program started with an interview searching for Liaison Officer, weeks before the program begin. I knew about this program after my lecturer told my class. We are so excited about it. On the day of the interview, I had no idea that my housemates prepared for the interview, with their resume printed. I thought they want to join other program or event. Then I realized they are going for the interview. I was quite sad that they didn't said anything to me about the CV is needed. I felt really disappointed, thinking that I won't be able to join the program because I didn't bring my CV along. Then, I was approached by my last semester's lecturer, she gave me a form and told me to fill it. I said I didn't bring my CV, she said it doesn't matter, just give it a try, who knows I may got in. So, I just got in and be interviewed. In fact, I am not sure what this program is all about, luckily the interviewer didn't asked me about the program or I will surely rejected! Haha. After a weeks, I got the result from the interview. I got in but not as Liaison Officer but as volunteer.This is what I called blessing in disguise! :D It's okay for me though, since the LO task will be much difficult for me to handle. Those who didn't selected as LO may be selected as volunteer. Noted to you, volunteers are not randomly chosen, okay? But still, I am wondering if being short is not appropriate for LO. Hehe. ;p Never mind. The interview told that those chosen will be paid but not sure how much, maybe around RM100 per day, meet a lot of famous people and learn new knowledge and experience. It's a really rare opportunity. Sounds like very very interesting, right? I know. :D BUT, opportunity doesn't come cheap. There are things that I need to sacrifice in order to join it. Although the program will start on 4th, we, the LO and volunteer will need to be there on 2nd until 6th. A whole ONE week. Can you imagine how many classes that we need to skip? Plus with how many lessons we need to catch up? Plus, the pending reports that need to be sent, assignments that need to be done and most importantly, the TESTS that we need to sit? Thinking of that can give so many headaches. On the other hand, the program is an opportunity that shouldn't be miss. I give many thoughts about it then I decide to join it. Why? Because, the lessons, studies, assignments, you can do it all if you pull an all-nighter but experiences is something you cannot trade even with gold. :) am I right? We went on 2nd and stayed at one of our Uni's branch. Forget to mentions, there's only 29 of us including LO and volunteers. Of course, all of us can speak good English since we'll be meeting a lot of foreigners.
We arrived at Persada. We were given a briefing about the layout of the building, the do's and don't's, etc. Then, we were separated according to our department. (we are selected to the department, not by own choice) -,-. Me along with 7 from my Uni are selected to be on the Media/PR department. But why? I still don't get it, why am I selected to be on the PR department? I'm not very friendly and not all smiley but my dept required me to. -,-. It's okay, it's a new experience for me. ;) Mira, a girl from KFCH, worked under the anchor for interviewing. (which is suppose to be my task, she come in late, so she had the task) Me, Fina, along with the twins, Azu & Azi were on the registration part. (the twins are not initially on our team, but somehow ended up in the same team). We started at 7.30 a.m. and ended 10 p.m. Basically, all we did is doing the registrations for media only, plus as well as information counter and some multitasking. We worked directly under a Singapore's PR company. I must say that our boss is quite a feisty one. But she's actually really nice. For your information, volunteers are not allowed to eat at the media lunch hall but she let us eat there to save time for lunch break. We got to eat hotel's foods, which I desire so much! Haha. Lucky us. Not to mention, we got to see a lot, A LOT of famous people like our PM, Dato' Sri Najib, MB for Johor, YB Abdul Ghani, Chairman of WIEF, Tun Musa Hitam, MC for market place, Azah 3R, legendary achor, Wan Zaleha Radzi, international level cartoonist, Dato' Lat, ex-PM, Pak Lah and his wife, anchors from RTM, Astro and so much more. Oh, I also able to meet Najip Ali, famous MC from Singapore. I forgot names already, too much people I met in a short time. Jealous much? Hehee. I know. ;D I even get to take picture with some of them. There are few that I'm not able to take pictures with because of hectic situations. :( very sad. When I been there, I felt so intimidated with people that I met. I felt that they are so educated! I need to learn more! Hmmph. There are so much to tell though. But I was so busy to write more. Hahaha. Maybe next time. :) Till then.
I am feeling a little bit emotional right now. I feel like I have something to say but I have no one to listen to. It's like, 'I have everything yet I possess nothing but I have nothing yet I have everything'. I have close friends whom I love dearly but when I being apart too long. It's getting awkward to talk like we used to. Besides, they are also busy doing their stuff and their life, so, it's not appropriate to disturb them as they also got issues in their life. A friend don't feel like a friend though. I don't know... I have so many thing running in my head but I don't give much thought of it.
As far as I am concerned, I feel like I am having this feeling for every semester I've been since degree. I don't feel so much stress when my diploma, I have a lot of fun actually. But degree stuff give me headache most of the time. I couldn't described it in full sentence. I feel pressured from myself. The problem is, I haven't find a way to release it. It gave me so much pain from inside. I don't usually tear up on these occasion. It's not because I hold it, it's more like I couldn't cry. I feel like my heart build a wall.
Ahh. What am I saying? Should stop right here. Till then.
People say 'Painful truth is better than beautiful lie'. I don't agree though it's a good thing because you'll learn how to face the pain. But, can't we just live happily? Sometimes, even simple truth can cause you big pain. I rather living in a lie than find myself going through a pain that I'm not sure I can take it or not. Life is only once. Why make yourself unhappy and bother about the truth? I don't know. Everyone have their own opinions. Till then.
Initially, I was quite reluctant to write this post but after giving some thoughts, I think it's better if I write since I often forgot these kind of things very quickly and I don't express myself very well and because of it, I ended up being misunderstood all the time.I guess it can't be help because my face itself speak the volume. I'm actually not that outspoken but I often let other people aware that I'm being mad because I want them to know how I feel and feel what I feel. I always had this thought that "Why should I be the one who's getting hurt? Why must I give in? Why?" and etc. I thought that I already think in other people's shoes but actually I'm being really immature. Although my friends didn't say anything but later on, I'll realized "Ahh, I'm being too much". But then again, I had my ego all over me. "I can't lose, why should I?" "They are wrong", these words will linger in my mind. Then, when I think of it too much, I'll start to feel guilty then. Haihh. Can't help it. It's like wanted to be nice but at the same time, I also wanted to put myself in the priority. Guess, it may not be a big deal to lose once in a while, right? I've always have ego and always will. It's not something that can be discard right away. Every change takes time, be it longer or shorter. That is also why I always, often, usually ended up getting into hot argument with my friends. Maybe it's a habit for me? or maybe it already become a hobby. Okay, that's not true. No one loves to fight, especially with your own friends, even best friends. But the truth is, I realized I've been arguing with my friends since school days. I guess I can count myself lucky because most of my friends happen to be the most patience people I ever met in my life. Some of them even say that I have very terrible, unexpected temper. Ahh. I tried to mend it slowly. One of the most hottest argument I've been on is with N. At that time, I nearly lost my control, I just want to hit her so bad. We're both really hot-blooded and we can even sleep side by side without even talking till our roommates can't handle it any longer. But slowly, we sorted it out and we're fine now. in fact, I don't even remember much what that fight is all about. I've been in countless of visible fight with K, a little with M and a bit with others as well but I realized that after the fight, we're even closer. Maybe it is what you called 'hikmah'. I thought after those fight I'll be more considerate but no. Like always, I been involved in some. The most latest argument I've been is a few days ago. Okay, soon after this argument I realized that partially the fault lies on my personality itself. I was way too ego and a bit immature. I suddenly felt that I can't go on like this, I need to stop now. Usually after argument with people, I won't talk to them. It's not that I'm sulking, but I don't like seeing things that makes me hurt. I'm also not the type to go and apologize especially when it is not my fault. Then, after few days, I'll return back to my normal self and start talking to them like nothing happened. I guess I don't confront them because I don't want to know how the ending and awkwardness. So, I rather let it be uncertain and hang over nothing. For me, I think it's better so that if we ever met again in future, I won't be like, " We fought before, right?". My other main problem is that I really hate awkward situations. If I confront them, I'll be awkward, I don't know why but just feel awkward. So, I let it loose and don't think about it and I forgot it later on and that's how it is. But then, I was being confronted. I admit that I was quite taken aback actually. I'm not scared nor worried but I feel like I got nothing to say probably because I'm not mad anymore and I don't know how to put my feelings into words so that I won't said anything stupid. But then again, I feel awkward, SUPER AWKWARD. I told what I feel and we ended making up dramatically with tears flowing like crazy while I was explaining. I don't usually cry over petty things but probably because I admit that I was at fault and I was being mean to her. She said she can't stand living without talking to each other. If were me, I have plenty of that kind of experiences. I put away my ego and apologized. I think If I follow my ego, things will get worse. I'm really glad that it ends well. Truthfully, I think I'm really mean to her because she's a really nice girl that I can't even find a flaw on her. I'm don't easily sing praise to anyone only if it's true. Well, she lend her ears to me whenever I need a listener. She gave opinions when I need one and she listen to every ridiculous story I told, though she's tired. She's a really nice person, I must say. I gave my promise not to do that to her ever again, but to other people, I cannot guarantee it but I'll try. P/S to NAA, I'm sorry that I hurt you in a way that I don't realize I did. Sorry for my unexpected personality, listening to my malicious comment, tolerating my mean behaviour and etc. (too many bad habits, can't remember all) and thank you for being so considerate and patient with me for this whole time, even I myself cannot stand my own personality. I can just hope that history won't repeat itself in future. :) InsyaAllah.
People say, being yourself is the best but the truth is, I'm the living prove that it's actually a faux. When I'm keep a straight face, people say I'm arrogant. When I'm trying to help, people say I'm being smart. Just can't please everyone indeed. I think next time, I better keep my mouth shut all the time so that people won't misunderstood. Ahh, just thinking that probably, the word 'Silence' really meant for people like me? Who knows. Till then.
It's hard to open up to people simply because they judge. Well, honestly I am. I've been quite an introvert few years back till now thanks to my mum who constantly grounding me. So, I think it somehow somewhere contributed to my lack of social skill. I don't approach people easily unless that I had to. I don't simply tag an acquaintance as my friend at first meeting. I scanned people thoroughly and judge them on their first impression. I've always been cold. I don't speak to strangers, I don't smile regularly. I hate awkwardness and pretentious. I don't understand why I should pretend to make others happy? Don't I have feelings too? I don't think I am selfish, I just put myself first in the priority. I only live once and I deserve to live happily like others too. I've gone through few phases in my life ever since primary school till college days. In that period, I gained a few trustworthy, reliable and good quality of 5 diamonds whose still are my best friends . Why I said few? It's because I found them in the midst of other scattered glasses. Other than that, just normal friends. Like I said, I don't easily opened up to people but luckily they manage to made their own way straight to my heart. ;) Though we are different in personalities, we argue at times, we still love each of us to bits. Though I don't always express my feeling but I do appreciate that you guys could stand my abrasively swing emotions. As times goes by, I found another diamonds as well but fewer. I am glad to found them but at the same time I already past the phase where I cleaned up the mess I've done. I tend to let it go and flow as it is. It's not that I don't care but I have other utmost priorities that I should care more just like your case. I am not in the phase where I should be worrying why people hate me, why they do this or that to me because in the end of the day, they won't linger in my life anymore.
You know you can never have the best of both world right? Even if you can, there are things that you'll need to sacrifice for it. I believe it's true because I sacrificed some in past and present for my future. If the fate has determined that you are one one of the sacrifice that I need to make, well, I guess I need to. Till then.
