It's hard to open up to people simply because they judge. Well, honestly I am. I've been quite an introvert few years back till now thanks to my mum who constantly grounding me. So, I think it somehow somewhere contributed to my lack of social skill. I don't approach people easily unless that I had to. I don't simply tag an acquaintance as my friend at first meeting. I scanned people thoroughly and judge them on their first impression.
I've always been cold. I don't speak to strangers, I don't smile regularly. I hate awkwardness and pretentious. I don't understand why I should pretend to make others happy? Don't I have feelings too? I don't think I am selfish, I just put myself first in the priority. I only live once and I deserve to live happily like others too.
I've gone through few phases in my life ever since primary school till college days. In that period, I gained a few trustworthy, reliable and good quality of 5 diamonds whose still are my best friends . Why I said few? It's because I found them in the midst of other scattered glasses. Other than that, just normal friends. Like I said, I don't easily opened up to people but luckily they manage to made their own way straight to my heart. ;) Though we are different in personalities, we argue at times, we still love each of us to bits. Though I don't always express my feeling but I do appreciate that you guys could stand my abrasively swing emotions.
As times goes by, I found another diamonds as well but fewer. I am glad to found them but at the same time I already past the phase where I cleaned up the mess I've done. I tend to let it go and flow as it is. It's not that I don't care but I have other utmost priorities that I should care more just like your case. I am not in the phase where I should be worrying why people hate me, why they do this or that to me because in the end of the day, they won't linger in my life anymore.
You know you can never have the best of both world right? Even if you can, there are things that you'll need to sacrifice for it. I believe it's true because I sacrificed some in past and present for my future. If the fate has determined that you are one one of the sacrifice that I need to make, well, I guess I need to.
Till then.
