People say 'Painful truth is better than beautiful lie'.
I don't agree though it's a good thing because you'll learn how to face the pain.
But, can't we just live happily?
Sometimes, even simple truth can cause you big pain. I rather living in a lie than find myself going through a pain that I'm not sure I can take it or not. Life is only once. Why make yourself unhappy and bother about the truth?
I don't know. Everyone have their own opinions.
Till then.
Friday, October 5, 2012
Monday, October 1, 2012
I'm sorry and thank you.
Initially, I was quite reluctant to write this post but after giving some thoughts, I think it's better if I write since I often forgot these kind of things very quickly and I don't express myself very well and because of it, I ended up being misunderstood all the time.I guess it can't be help because my face itself speak the volume.
I'm actually not that outspoken but I often let other people aware that I'm being mad because I want them to know how I feel and feel what I feel. I always had this thought that "Why should I be the one who's getting hurt? Why must I give in? Why?" and etc. I thought that I already think in other people's shoes but actually I'm being really immature. Although my friends didn't say anything but later on, I'll realized "Ahh, I'm being too much". But then again, I had my ego all over me. "I can't lose, why should I?" "They are wrong", these words will linger in my mind. Then, when I think of it too much, I'll start to feel guilty then. Haihh. Can't help it. It's like wanted to be nice but at the same time, I also wanted to put myself in the priority. Guess, it may not be a big deal to lose once in a while, right?
I've always have ego and always will. It's not something that can be discard right away. Every change takes time, be it longer or shorter. That is also why I always, often, usually ended up getting into hot argument with my friends. Maybe it's a habit for me? or maybe it already become a hobby. Okay, that's not true. No one loves to fight, especially with your own friends, even best friends. But the truth is, I realized I've been arguing with my friends since school days. I guess I can count myself lucky because most of my friends happen to be the most patience people I ever met in my life. Some of them even say that I have very terrible, unexpected temper. Ahh. I tried to mend it slowly. One of the most hottest argument I've been on is with N. At that time, I nearly lost my control, I just want to hit her so bad. We're both really hot-blooded and we can even sleep side by side without even talking till our roommates can't handle it any longer. But slowly, we sorted it out and we're fine now. in fact, I don't even remember much what that fight is all about.
I've been in countless of visible fight with K, a little with M and a bit with others as well but I realized that after the fight, we're even closer. Maybe it is what you called 'hikmah'. I thought after those fight I'll be more considerate but no. Like always, I been involved in some.
The most latest argument I've been is a few days ago. Okay, soon after this argument I realized that partially the fault lies on my personality itself. I was way too ego and a bit immature. I suddenly felt that I can't go on like this, I need to stop now. Usually after argument with people, I won't talk to them. It's not that I'm sulking, but I don't like seeing things that makes me hurt. I'm also not the type to go and apologize especially when it is not my fault. Then, after few days, I'll return back to my normal self and start talking to them like nothing happened. I guess I don't confront them because I don't want to know how the ending and awkwardness. So, I rather let it be uncertain and hang over nothing. For me, I think it's better so that if we ever met again in future, I won't be like, " We fought before, right?". My other main problem is that I really hate awkward situations. If I confront them, I'll be awkward, I don't know why but just feel awkward. So, I let it loose and don't think about it and I forgot it later on and that's how it is.
But then, I was being confronted. I admit that I was quite taken aback actually. I'm not scared nor worried but I feel like I got nothing to say probably because I'm not mad anymore and I don't know how to put my feelings into words so that I won't said anything stupid. But then again, I feel awkward, SUPER AWKWARD. I told what I feel and we ended making up dramatically with tears flowing like crazy while I was explaining. I don't usually cry over petty things but probably because I admit that I was at fault and I was being mean to her. She said she can't stand living without talking to each other. If were me, I have plenty of that kind of experiences. I put away my ego and apologized. I think If I follow my ego, things will get worse. I'm really glad that it ends well. Truthfully, I think I'm really mean to her because she's a really nice girl that I can't even find a flaw on her. I'm don't easily sing praise to anyone only if it's true. Well, she lend her ears to me whenever I need a listener. She gave opinions when I need one and she listen to every ridiculous story I told, though she's tired. She's a really nice person, I must say. I gave my promise not to do that to her ever again, but to other people, I cannot guarantee it but I'll try.
P/S to NAA, I'm sorry that I hurt you in a way that I don't realize I did. Sorry for my unexpected personality, listening to my malicious comment, tolerating my mean behaviour and etc. (too many bad habits, can't remember all) and thank you for being so considerate and patient with me for this whole time, even I myself cannot stand my own personality. I can just hope that history won't repeat itself in future. :) InsyaAllah.
People say, being yourself is the best but the truth is, I'm the living prove that it's actually a faux. When I'm keep a straight face, people say I'm arrogant. When I'm trying to help, people say I'm being smart. Just can't please everyone indeed. I think next time, I better keep my mouth shut all the time so that people won't misunderstood. Ahh, just thinking that probably, the word 'Silence' really meant for people like me? Who knows.
Till then.
I'm actually not that outspoken but I often let other people aware that I'm being mad because I want them to know how I feel and feel what I feel. I always had this thought that "Why should I be the one who's getting hurt? Why must I give in? Why?" and etc. I thought that I already think in other people's shoes but actually I'm being really immature. Although my friends didn't say anything but later on, I'll realized "Ahh, I'm being too much". But then again, I had my ego all over me. "I can't lose, why should I?" "They are wrong", these words will linger in my mind. Then, when I think of it too much, I'll start to feel guilty then. Haihh. Can't help it. It's like wanted to be nice but at the same time, I also wanted to put myself in the priority. Guess, it may not be a big deal to lose once in a while, right?
I've always have ego and always will. It's not something that can be discard right away. Every change takes time, be it longer or shorter. That is also why I always, often, usually ended up getting into hot argument with my friends. Maybe it's a habit for me? or maybe it already become a hobby. Okay, that's not true. No one loves to fight, especially with your own friends, even best friends. But the truth is, I realized I've been arguing with my friends since school days. I guess I can count myself lucky because most of my friends happen to be the most patience people I ever met in my life. Some of them even say that I have very terrible, unexpected temper. Ahh. I tried to mend it slowly. One of the most hottest argument I've been on is with N. At that time, I nearly lost my control, I just want to hit her so bad. We're both really hot-blooded and we can even sleep side by side without even talking till our roommates can't handle it any longer. But slowly, we sorted it out and we're fine now. in fact, I don't even remember much what that fight is all about.
I've been in countless of visible fight with K, a little with M and a bit with others as well but I realized that after the fight, we're even closer. Maybe it is what you called 'hikmah'. I thought after those fight I'll be more considerate but no. Like always, I been involved in some.
The most latest argument I've been is a few days ago. Okay, soon after this argument I realized that partially the fault lies on my personality itself. I was way too ego and a bit immature. I suddenly felt that I can't go on like this, I need to stop now. Usually after argument with people, I won't talk to them. It's not that I'm sulking, but I don't like seeing things that makes me hurt. I'm also not the type to go and apologize especially when it is not my fault. Then, after few days, I'll return back to my normal self and start talking to them like nothing happened. I guess I don't confront them because I don't want to know how the ending and awkwardness. So, I rather let it be uncertain and hang over nothing. For me, I think it's better so that if we ever met again in future, I won't be like, " We fought before, right?". My other main problem is that I really hate awkward situations. If I confront them, I'll be awkward, I don't know why but just feel awkward. So, I let it loose and don't think about it and I forgot it later on and that's how it is.
But then, I was being confronted. I admit that I was quite taken aback actually. I'm not scared nor worried but I feel like I got nothing to say probably because I'm not mad anymore and I don't know how to put my feelings into words so that I won't said anything stupid. But then again, I feel awkward, SUPER AWKWARD. I told what I feel and we ended making up dramatically with tears flowing like crazy while I was explaining. I don't usually cry over petty things but probably because I admit that I was at fault and I was being mean to her. She said she can't stand living without talking to each other. If were me, I have plenty of that kind of experiences. I put away my ego and apologized. I think If I follow my ego, things will get worse. I'm really glad that it ends well. Truthfully, I think I'm really mean to her because she's a really nice girl that I can't even find a flaw on her. I'm don't easily sing praise to anyone only if it's true. Well, she lend her ears to me whenever I need a listener. She gave opinions when I need one and she listen to every ridiculous story I told, though she's tired. She's a really nice person, I must say. I gave my promise not to do that to her ever again, but to other people, I cannot guarantee it but I'll try.
P/S to NAA, I'm sorry that I hurt you in a way that I don't realize I did. Sorry for my unexpected personality, listening to my malicious comment, tolerating my mean behaviour and etc. (too many bad habits, can't remember all) and thank you for being so considerate and patient with me for this whole time, even I myself cannot stand my own personality. I can just hope that history won't repeat itself in future. :) InsyaAllah.
People say, being yourself is the best but the truth is, I'm the living prove that it's actually a faux. When I'm keep a straight face, people say I'm arrogant. When I'm trying to help, people say I'm being smart. Just can't please everyone indeed. I think next time, I better keep my mouth shut all the time so that people won't misunderstood. Ahh, just thinking that probably, the word 'Silence' really meant for people like me? Who knows.
Till then.
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